I have been doing such a poor job of making time to sit down with my Bible and spend time in the Scriptures. Since we moved to Fayetteville I have been sporatic at best. I have had sweet prayer time on my morning walks, but I know in my heart that is not enough. There have been a number of "signs" lately directing me to make time for God's Word, but I get distracted so easily.
I had a wonderful conversation with a friend yesterday. I was texting with her and felt a prompting to just call her instead. I think that is something I forget to do in today's world of Facebook and digital communication. I realized, as I was considering the phone call, that I am lonely right now and it is all because we moved away from the life we spent the last 4 years building. I am lonely for people, but more so lonely for time with my Savior.
So this afternoon I had a few minutes to sit down and read. I have started to reread "Crazy Love" a great book by Francis Chan. I decided to read until I came to a scripture reference then I would go read the whole chapter. In chapter 1 under a subheading, God is eternal, I found Psalm 102:12,27. Right before the scripture reference I read "Not being able to fully understand God is frustrating, but it is ridiculous for us to think we have the right to limit God to something we are capable of comprehending...If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can. God is so much bigger, so far beyond our time-encased, air/food/sleep-dependent lives."
I opend my Bible to Psalm 102 and began to read. It is a lament pray to God. I was so encouraged to learn a year or two ago that it is okay to be totally honest with God when I am in the trenches of a difficult situation. He can handle whatever I have to say and wants to hear the full range of my emotions. There is something about opening up completely that sets my heart free. God already knows the darkest, ugliest thoughts I have so letting them out is more for me. It is an acknowledgement that I don't have to put on a show for God or wear a smiley-faced mask when I come before Him. Then I am free to see and experience the hope and joy God has for me.
In verse 12 the writer shifts gears - he wraps up his lament and begins to see the eternal God who loves him and is interceding on his behalf. "But you, O Lord, sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations." Then in verse 18 in the midst of his expressions of hope and trust in God he writes, "Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord."
As I read this I couldn't help but think he was referring to me. So I sat on the floor a made my own lament to God and His glory shown through like the sunshine breaks through the clouds after a storm. Even though I don't know what His plan is exactly or completely I do see evidence of His workmanship every day. As I feel anxious and try to hurry God along the writer says in verses 27-28, "But you remain the same, and your years will never end. The children of your servants will live in your presence; their descendants will be established before you."
Oh, Lord, give me patience to trust in your plan and forgive me for my lack of faith.
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