For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Chloe is 7 weeks old now. Jeremiah and Maiesha are wrapping up the second week of third and first grade respectively. Tyrone started his third year at the University of Arkansas this week. Lydia will begin preschool next week. I am full swing into my second year at our church as the Children's Ministry Director.

Life is crazy! Everyone is tired as we settle into the new routine of being a family of six and the new school year. Tempers are flaring. Attitudes are stinky. Feet are dragging. I have become very sensitive to the presence of anger in myself and people around. All through the spring I was uncovering and learning how to experience freedom from some deep rooted anger. A wise friend shared with me that anger is a secondary emotion most often caused by another underlying emotion - fear, anxiety, or pride to name a few. The trouble is trying to figure out what those emotions are - especially in your children.

We have been spent a lot of time in the past couple months talking to Jeremiah about anger. He is so quick to respond to an adverse situation with anger. It could be difficult school work, an argument with his sister, or me telling him no to something he wants to do. His first response too often is to be angry which typically leads to a bad choice to express his anger.  It has really helped me see how my response to him during these moments can fuel his anger or defuse it. I am learning so much about my own anger and how to trust the Spirit to help me be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19).

Last weekend I decided that Jeremiah and I should read through the book of Philippians together. After a sermon series years ago, I wrote in the subtitle "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength" under Philippians. I wanted Jeremiah to see God's Word about having joy in adverse, difficult circumstances. The first night we started chapter 1 he was grumpy and tired and it didn't go very well. The second night, however, was so precious. I read a verse then we talked about it. We came to "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21) and we camped out there. I explained that Paul was writing this letter to the people of Philippi from prison. He was in prison for telling people about Jesus - that was the only crime he had committed. He still had joy and could rejoice with the Philippians in spite of his current living arrangements. He longed to be with Christ in heaven, but he knew and trusted God's purpose for him was not finished on the earth. This really registered with Jeremiah because he has asked on several occasions why he couldn't just go to heaven now. He started to cry as we read and talked.

We continued to read verses 22 through 26.

 "If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! ²³ I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; ²⁴ but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. ²⁵ Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, ²⁶ so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me."

I explained to Jeremiah that it is not time for him to go to heaven yet. God has big plans and a purpose for him here on earth. Like Paul, he must decide to trust God and remain here and allow each experience - good and bad - to shape him and prepare him for the plans God has for him. Jeremiah began to smile through the tears. He was getting excited at the idea of God using him.

He loves to talk about China and Japan. He often asks when we will take him to one or the other. I said maybe God will send him to China one day to talk to people about Jesus. Then he said he liked Japan better. I said, "Well maybe Japan, then, Jeremiah (Laughing on the inside)." We wrapped it up by acknowledging that, of course, it would be so wonderful to be in heaven with Jesus, but we have to find joy in our challenges and trust that God is using all of life's successes and trials (including Math) to lead us toward him and the great plans he has for us.

What a lesson for me - as much or more than my sweet, tender-hearted son. Life is hard right now. We are all trying to find our way back to "normal" and all the while I continue to realize we can't go back. There is a new normal for our family now. We just have to seek after God whole heartedly to find rest and that "breath of fresh air" that we long for and can only be found in intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father. It would be so much easier to just go to heaven at the moment we accept Jesus as our Savior, but God's plans go one step further. He wants to build a relationship with us and reveal himself to us one challenge and one triumph at a time. He wants to use our journey to reach lost souls with the Gospel to welcome "just one more" of his creation into his Kingdom.