My first interaction with a black person was when I was
about 10 years old. It was a brief encounter on a playground. She referred to
me as “that white girl” when one of her friends asked who pushed the
merry-go-round so fast. I never knew her name but I was puzzled by why she
referred to me as white girl. You see I lived in a white world. Everyone I knew
was white. Everything I knew was white. I didn’t know there was another way. I believe that black girl knew something I didn’t
know. She understood there were different ways because she had been living in a
world where there were different skin tones. She had been taught that people
may treat her negatively because of the dark complexion of her skin. What I heard
from her as a racial comment was simply a descriptive term for her to identify me to her
friend. In her world (which was only 1 hour away from where I lived) different
complexions were normal. I
wanted to correct her and say “I’m just a person. Why do you have to call me a
white girl?” Now I believe I am the one who needed to be corrected. God created
each of us to look the way we do. He loves the unique qualities that make each
of us who we are including the color of our skin (because he put them there). For me to diminish that or
pretend that we are not different is just wrong. Our differences have meaning
and purpose to make God’s name famous so that people from all walks of life
will know and worship him.
In high school AAU basketball and summer camps became a way
for me to grow outside my white world and build relationships, albeit temporary
ones, with black girls who also played the game I loved. My high school team
played an all-black, inner-city school a couple times and one of those girls
became a teammate of mine on a summer traveling team. I began see a world
beyond my own. It was a little scary. It was intimidating at times. It was a
lot of fun too!
By the time I made it to college, I expected to be around
black people. I had black teammates and coaches. Approximately 30% of the population
of South Carolina is African-American so my white bubble was burst and I was intrigued
to meet people of color from all over the country. Most of our time together however,
was focused on training and competing so I didn’t get to really dig in and
understand what it was like to “be black” in America.
Tyrone and I will celebrate our 15th wedding
anniversary next month. We have known each other for 19 years. I am attracted
to Tyrone’s dark skin. He would tell you he is attracted to my white skin. We
love the way God has uniquely designed each of us and that we were designed for
each other even though we don’t “match”. We love our 4 brown kids or “light
black” as Jeremiah likes to say. I have
spent all these years learning what it is like to be a black man in America from him,
and now what it is like to be biracial from my children. Tyrone also sees firsthand
what it is like to be a white woman in America. The two are very different even
though we lay our heads on pillows in the same bed every night. We each come
from very different life experiences. He grew up in poverty most of his
childhood. He was a military kid. He lived in multiple states and countries
before settling in Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina while in middle school. As a
teenager, he was raised by a single mom. I lived in the same house on our
family’s 150 year old farm 3 miles outside our small Ohio town until I went to
college. I baled hay and started driving my dad's truck before I had a license. I played softball in the 3-corner field after the wheat was harvested with my dad, uncles and cousins. We went to the city when we wanted to go to the mall or dine out at a fancy restaurant.
I have said things to Tyrone that no white person should
ever say to a black person. Things like “shouldn’t you get over it by now” and “people
today didn’t participate in slavery so why are you so angry”. These comments were
said out of ignorance, frustration, and a lack of understanding. We tend to say
ignorant things when we refuse to look at a situation through another person’s
eyes. The wisdom of James 1:19 (NLT) seems the best advice “Understand
this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to
speak, and slow to get angry.” Tyrone's story is unique to him, but it does give
me a broader understanding of the differences African-Americans face in our
country. We understand there are places and situations in this land of the free
that our family should not go. We understand that some people look at us and
pass a judgement based on the complexion of our family and we may be treated
unfairly as a result. I get more upset about this than Tyrone does because it
is what he has dealt with his entire life. I am still trying to deprogram from
the white privileged life I didn’t even realize I was living.
I am the minority in my household. I am the only one who
will get sunburned when we go to the beach. I am the only one with straight
hair. I am the only one who doesn’t have the DNA of slave ancestors running
through my veins. That is good! It is good to become the minority so I can
empathize with what it is like to be a minority. You see, had I stayed in my
white world it was possible for me to go days, weeks, months, and for some a
lifetime without ever knowing a black person. For a black person it is not that
easy. Black Americans (and other minority group too) often find themselves in
places and situations where they are the only person who looks like them (hence
the term minority). Imagine for a moment, having to seek out people who look
like you or looking around and realizing there is no one else who looks like
you. As white Americans we rarely, if ever, have to experience being the only
white person. I appreciate every experience I have had as the only white girl
in the room because I get a snapshot of what life as a minority is like. This
is not about mistreatment necessarily because I have never been mistreated when
the “minority” but it is always about a willingness to learn. Senator Tim Scott
(Republican) stood on the South Carolina Senate floor on July 13, 2016 stating “I
have felt the anger, the frustration, the sadness, and the humiliation that
comes with feeling like you’re being targeted for nothing more than being
yourself.” He also encouraged his colleagues to “recognize that just because you
do not feel the pain, the anguish of another…does not mean it doesn’t exist.” http://www.sfgate.com/news/politics/article/Capitol-Hill-Buzz-GOP-Sen-Scott-gives-floor-8376702.php
So please take a moment or two or ten and think before you
speak. Take some time and get to know someone who looks different than you. Right
here in America we have so many cultures all around us. Americans look so many
different ways – just check out the 2016 USA Olympic team if you don’t believe
me. http://www.teamusa.org/2016olympicteam To my fellow white people, let’s take time to learn about others and become
comfortable with our differences rather than judging minorities because they do
things differently.
