I was agonizing over a situation last night. I had made
myself physically ill thinking about it. As quickly as I realized what was
happening, the Holy Spirit shouted in my ear you must get along with God and
pray. Tyrone couldn’t get home from taekwondo class fast enough. I had the kids
get to work on their bedtime chores. Tyrone walked in at 8:15 and I told him I
had to leave. He gave me the “what have I walked into” face and precariously
said, “Why?” I simply explained I had made myself sick obsessing about
something and I needed to go for a walk and pray.
We made it back to the kitchen by 8:45 to sit down and visit
for a few minutes and field the last couple bedtime requests. By 9:00 I was feeling more settled and Satan got in my ear.
He tried to convince me that my conversation with Tyrone was enough and I
should just sit down with baby Chloe and relax. My flesh was tired and I
thought maybe that would be enough. Thank goodness the voice of the Holy Spirit
was louder, and I left the house. I buckled Chloe into the stroller and grabbed
the dog’s leash. Chloe was thrilled to be riding like a big girl and Buford was
excited to hear my voice as I opened the gate to let him out. Off we went to
encounter God.
As I prayed over a neighbor’s child, my family, some friends
in a challenging situation, a mom and her kids, and the thing that had me so
worked up, God met me on the poorly lite streets of my neighborhood. The weigh
was lifting. My anxiety was subsiding. That was exactly what I needed - time
alone in the peace and quiet of my Redeemer. It became time for me to stop
talking – prayer is a two way conversation – and listen to God. (This is far
more challenging than just saying amen after I think I have said it all. I am learning how to listen and not
just talk at God.) He was gently reminding me how much I need him, and as he so
often does, God gave me a song as I rounded the corner for home. I pulled that
song up on my phone and began to pray it - “Lord I Need You” by Matt Maher. It
was playing through the second time as I arrived back in my yard. I looked up
to see a clear star-filled sky and knew it was not time to go in the house yet.
Chloe was asleep in the stroller and the dog was content to hang out with me. I
fell to my knees right there in my yard and hit repeat on my song. Buford laid down next to me. I had been
with my Savior and I had to worship him from a posture of brokenness and
humility. I wanted to sit at his feet and acknowledge that I needed him.
The song says “Teach my song to rise to you when temptation
comes my way. When I cannot stand, I’ll fall on you. Jesus you’re my hope and
stay.” What a beautiful twist of my life verses Psalm 25:4-5 “Show me your
ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me for you
are God my Savior and my hope is in you all day long.” When I get tempted to do
this life on my own, in my own strength and understanding, the Holy Spirit reminds
me to cry out to God. When I can’t stand I can fall into him arms and be at
rest.
As I rose to my feet, I looked up to see those stars once
more. I finished my prayer with this.
Thank you, God, that you are bigger than the expanse of the
sky and that you created a universe that I cannot fathom, and at the same time you
choose to live inside of me and care about the tiniest details of my daily
life.
