Thankful for my Sufferings

"Let suffering be the door you walk through that draws you to deeper intimacy with Jesus. Suffering can do that, if we let it. And though it would never be the doorway we would choose, it is one we will never regret walking through."

This is a quote one of my Facebook friends posted from something she had read from John Eldredge.  The title was "We can have understanding or we can have Jesus" It is so true. We often seek to understand our circumstances through our own limited knowledge, and we forget to consult God who has the entire view of our lives right in front of him with HIS BEST in mind for our whole journey. He knows how today's triumphs will help us through tomorrows troubles. He knows how tomorrow's suffering with give us perspective and wisdom to celebrate next week's successes.

So on this Thanksgiving I want to reflect on the challenges I have faced that have helped shape me for this season of life. These are the things I want to be thankful for this year because without them I don't think I would have many of my rewards.

I am thankful for "oops" pregnancies because without them I would not have 2 (Maiesha and Chloe) of our 4 children.

I am thankful for 2 miscarriages because they helped me understand how fragile our lives are and how much I need to trust God.

I am thankful for my Grandpa Keppeler's funeral because I learned how to worship God through my grief.

I am thankful for having precancerous cells on my cervix because I learned that I am not invincible and must live every day to the fullness of  the Glory of God for I don't know how many days I have been given on this earth.

I am thankful for the marriage challenges we have faced because I have learned how to be a better wife and I can share my story to encourage other wives in their own struggles.

I am thankful for having to walk away from "dream jobs" because it has given me time to devote to being the mom my children need.

I am thankful for having to say good-bye to friends each time I have moved because it pushes me to connect with new people wherever I go.

I am thankful for the pain of 4 epidural free deliveries because I have a little glimpse of the pain Jesus experienced to die in my place to save me from my sins.

I am thankful for fouling the best shot put throw of my college career because I learned that I don't get any "do-overs" so I must make the most of every opportunity. I also learned that I cannot achieve success through a fear of failure.

I am thankful for falling 20 rebounds short of 1,000 in high school basketball because it reminds me to give all my effort all the time so I don't fall short as a wife, a mom, a friend, and an employee.

My sufferings seem small as compared to other people's stories, but they are mine and they are real for me. As the quote states at the top of this entry they have each helped draw me into a deeper intimacy with my Savior. I don't have to understand why, but I do have to trust that God has painted a masterpiece even though I can only see part of the canvas.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:1-4 NIV

My God dream

Since my last blog, God has been doing a work in me. He is showing me a little more of the BIG dream he has planned for me. We have been doing a series at church about Joseph the Dreamer. It is specifically speaking to the “God dream” that we each have. Joseph was given two dreams as a teenager which God fulfilled many years later once Joseph was ready and in position. He went through so many trials and a few triumphs on his way there, but God was faithful through it all, and Joseph learned how to be faithful and trust God to keep his promise. God saved a nation through Joseph. Who could have guessed that when his brothers sold him into slavery.

One phrase from last week’s sermon has really stuck in my mind – hindsight provides clarity. I love hindsight. I love to look at a particular situation in my life and rewind through my life to see all the events that led to this point. If I have not done ____, I would have missed _____. If I had missed _____, I would never have met _____. You get the idea. God seemed to be telling me that he has wired me to minister to children. Children are my mission field. In hindsight, it makes perfect sense, but I have been fighting that for a while. I have down played the significance of working with children and investing my life in them. I confess I was looking for something more glamorous.

I started serving in the nursery at our small church when I would about 10 years old. I loved being in there snuggling the few precious babies we had. I didn’t mind changing diapers, and I thought it a wonderful challenge to be able to calm a crying baby who missed his mommy. I worked as a babysitter through junior high and high school for cousins and neighbors. One summer I did it full time for two kids who are now in college or maybe finished with college by now. (I feel old.) I mentored teenage girls in foster care when I was in college. Tyrone and I trained kids at a tennis club after we were first married. I coached JV girls’ basketball and Varsity track for 7 years in South Carolina and Indiana. I lead children’s ministry at our small church plant back in South Carolina for a year before we moved to Indiana. I read stories to kids in elementary school and planned parties as homeroom mom. A couple years ago God put it on my heart to feed kids who are hungry. We started with one family. Now our house is becoming “the place to be” after school for some kids in our neighborhood who just need a place to play, and they usually need a snack too. They walk home from school with us just to talk.

I have been working part-time as the Children’s Ministry Director at our church for more than a year now. I took the job out of obedience because I felt it is what God was calling me to at the time. It was something I said I would never do again (never tell God never). I figured it was another step toward that BIG thing out there in the distance that I was meant to do. Now I think it IS the beginning of the BIG thing. The clarity of hindsight has shown me that God has been getting me ready all these years. Now he has positioned me in a thriving church (in a state I never thought about living in) where I can have great influence on a community of children and families who need Jesus. By making a difference in this community and pointing young children toward Jesus, they will be able to go out and reach the world with the Gospel. A wise person told me recently that I must be doing that in my own home first or I have missed the point of the position I have been given. She was so right! It begins right here in my own home with the 4 (wow, I still have trouble with that number) children God has blessed us with. They are gifts from Him. Four hearts that desperately need to see Jesus and find relationship with him. I am so thankful that Jeremiah and Maiesha have already made that decision. Those little eyes are watching through my successes and failures  as I model a relationship with my savior each day for them.

This is the beginning of my BIG thing – my God dream. I am here to, as the Greenhouse mission statement reads, grow kids in God’s grace and love to lead them toward a fully-devoted world changing relationship with Jesus Christ. This dream is bigger than a job at a church. It’s bigger than working in ministry. It is a life style, a culture, as way of living. It is wherever I am. I will always be a mom. My kids will always have friends. We will always have neighbors.

Some people brought little children to Jesus. They wanted him to place his hands on the children and pray for them. But the disciples told the people to stop.  Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me. Don’t keep them away. The kingdom of heaven belongs to people like them.” - Matthew 19:13-14 (NIrV)