Happy 2018! I am sad to see 2017 go and thrilled to say
good-bye. It was one of the most fruitful and most challenging years of my
life. I guess that is why my phrase for 2017 was “live fearless.” It came on
the heels of the year of thankfulness in 2016. Now that was a tough year, but I
learned how to be thankful for the most difficult circumstances because they
grew my faith and my heart for others.
To live fearless in 2017 looked like running through a war
zone clinging to God’s hand as he leads. I continually referred to a scene in “War of the
Worlds”. Little Rachel Ferrier (Dakota Fanning) watched her dad, Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise), protect her
and battle the aliens to save Earth. At other moments he held her tight and led
her through the crossfire. Rachel knew to not make a move without her Dad
because she knew he would take care of her. That lesson was paramount for me –
don’t make a move without my Heavenly Father and trust Him when it's time to move even if it looks too
scary to try.
In any case, the first act of courage to living fearlessly
was to acknowledge my fear. That fear could have kept me from trusting God
completely. That fear could have paralyzed me and kept me from navigating the
war zone with Him. That fear could have kept from God’s blessings and being a
blessing to others.
We said good-bye to our sweet dog Buford in January. He was
13-years-old and had been our first baby. His body was frail and riddled with
arthritis and a possibly cancerous tumor. It was so hard to let him go, but
there was relief as well. Maiesha (10-years-old at the time) insisted that she go with us that day when we had him put to sleep. We have his ashes in a special box and will take him back to
South Carolina one day to sprinkle them in his first home.
I left my part-time job of 5 years in March. It was exactly
what I needed to do but another “God I'm gonna have to trust you” experience. It meant letting
go of something I had built from scratch. It was like turning my young child
over to strangers entrusting them to raise her just the way I would. In jobs
past, quitting has included a move to another state, but this time it was
truly just praying, seeking wise counsel and listening for confirmation not know exactly where I was going next. God
was faithful as I turned my fear over to him, grabbed his hand and held on
tight.
I deemed my 4 month break between the end of my job and the
start of Grad school the maternity leave I never took when Chloe was born. It
was fun to have so much time to spend with my family. Tyrone and I took our
annual no-kids get away to Denver, CO. We traveled to TX, OK, central AR and
locally for basketball tournaments and a dance clinic. The kids gave up part of
their Christmas savings to travel to South Carolina to visit Granny (Tyrone’s
mom) and the beach in July. Tyrone and I took a spontaneous weekend flight to
Orlando to visit friends. We had our first Universal Studios experience at
Islands of Adventure theme park too. We were like two little kids!
With a big sigh of relief and a tired brain, I am excited to
say I did not just survive, but thrived in my first semester of Graduate
school. I made an A in both classes and learned a ton. I learned a lot outside
the classroom too. Tyrone was my rock through this huge transition. He jumped
in to cook meals, wash laundry, wash dishes, and drive the kids to their
activities. He talked me through my tears, anxiety and fear of failing. Being a
39-year-old student with a big family and 2 jobs is no joke. He reminded me
that I am fully capable of getting this Master’s degree and his actions backed
up his words every day. The kids were patient and encouraging too. This process
is helping me be more patient with them and hold on a little tighter with each
hug.
The greatest thing about 2017 is that God brought me to a
new job that may just be that BIG thing I have been chasing for the last 10
years. I can see all the seasons of my life coming together to form His
masterpiece. I am standing at the intersection of my lifetime love of sports
and my passion to reach children and families to help them find their place in God’s
story. It is evidence that God uses what we love and what we are good at to
accomplish his unique purpose for each of us.
Life is still HARD, and there are still things I wish were
different. I understand that HARD is part of the process of becoming more like
Jesus and trusting that God’s got this. Hard is what makes life interesting and
challenging. In the middle of HARD, I find satisfaction in knowing I am
becoming the me God designed me to be. Hard leads me to a place of complete
dependence on Him and that enables me to LIVE FEARLESS for a lifetime.
May God bless you in 2018 so that you can be a blessing to someone else!
