Baby Girl has a Name

Tuesday night I experienced something new as a pregnant woman. I couldn't sleep. I have been progressively more and more uncomfortable the last few weeks. Body parts go numb and tingly. My enlarged abdomen makes it hard to sit up or roll over and I must support it with a pillow when laying on my side. As a rule, I don't like to complain and don't like complainers, but I am making an exception being that this is my fourth baby. I am in a new class of parenting where I get to use having 4 children as an excuse for my short comings. Ha Ha! Not really. I do like sarcasm. So while I was awake Tuesday night from 3:30 to 5:15 A.M. I decided to write in my journal. Here a little excerpt from my hours of sleeplessness.

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It is 4:15a.m. and I can't sleep. This is a first for me. It has a lot to do with pregnancy. My legs are a little tingly and numb. My belly hurts most any way I turn or lay. My mind is full of so many thought about life right now. I feel a bit hungry too.

We have had no luck with baby names mostly because we admit to being a little indifference about baby girl's arrival. I have also not found many names that seem to fit. I really believe, however, that naming this precious baby will help us feel more enthusiastic and connect us to her in a more positive way. It has been a real challenge to accept what has been happening inside my body these past 7 months. It has been difficult to fathom life with a newborn again and parenting 4 children.

I have been searching for names occasionally, but nothing has really jumped out at me. A few names made my "short list", but no favorites. I have been praying that God will reveal the right name in the right time. I prayed that it would be obvious when the name God had chosen for our third daughter came along.

A couple weeks ago my dad suggested the name Chloe. He had made some other silly, even ridiculous suggestions, which annoyed me greatly, but Chloe was a legitimate idea. I take baby naming very seriously. Each of our children's names has specific mean and/or a story to explain its significance. I shared the name Chloe with Tyrone, and to my surprise, he liked it. He also pointed out this was the first time my dad had made a name suggestion and that seemed to mean something to him. As I thought more about it, that meant something to me too since I have felt disconnected from him in recent years.

I looked up the meaning of Chloe. It means "verdant and blooming". My first thought was what does verdant mean? Well, it means "green with vegetation; covered with growing plants or grass; of the color green". It seemed to be very symbolic of this pregnancy and the new direction God has been turning our family. New growth and vegetation where there has been weeds and infertile soil. A sign of new life that can only come when we trust God in the darkest of times. When we find ourselves in and pit of death (Psalm 40:2) and look up to find His outstretched hand reaching down to pull us into His light.

That's what Chloe means to our family. New beginning. New life. Renewed hope. Rekindled light. Restored love and relationship. Much of my indifference has melted away with this decision. I am looking forward to holding baby Chloe for the first time in 7 weeks, give or take, and putting her name and her face together.

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I was patient while I waited for the Lord.
    He turned to me and heard my cry for help.
² I was sliding down into the pit of death, and he pulled me out.
    He brought me up out of the mud and dirt.
He set my feet on a rock.
    He gave me a firm place to stand on.
³ He gave me a new song to sing.
    It is a hymn of praise to our God.
Many people will see what he has done and will worship him.
    They will put their trust in the Lord. - Psalm 40:1-3 (NIrV)

It gets better. Yesterday, when I shared baby's name with Jeremiah and Maiesha, Jeremiah turned a corner. He said, "I like that name. I know I am special and I think I like this baby now." Those were the sweetest words he could have said.

Happy Mother's Day

I have learned so much about being a mom this year. I have learned so much about myself and my relationship with God through my job as a mom. This Mother’s Day turned out to be a weekend of great experiences with my family. 

It all began Thursday night when Jeremiah and I had a Mother Son Date at Chick-fil-a. He wasn’t in the best of moods so I practically had to drag him to the car. We parked and as we were getting out I gave him a $20 bill so he could pay for our food. He thought was pretty cool and began to perk up. We found a table in the area reserved for the event and he was very interested in designing a family crest on the cardboard shield he was given. He chose courageous, God, humility, and energetic to describe our family. We ordered our food. We talked through the conversation starter questions on the place mate. He carefully drew pictures on his shield and colored them. It was a great evening for the two of us. 

We have invested a lot of time this year praying specific Bible verses with our kids and casting a vision for them to begin to understand the great plans God has for their lives. In recent months, we have focused a lot of time teaching them about respect and developing a leadership attitude. This has transformed our lives. We are working to show respect and earn respect. God has really been teaching me how to apply James 1:19-20, 22 “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

In my flesh, it is so easy to get angry and preach at my children. In the moment, it is so easy to lose my temper and react rather than listen and pray and respond. It is also so destructive and a tool that satan uses to create division in families. Fortunately, God has given me some great resources and guidance to teach me how to respond in grace and love. He has given me a new ability to listen to my children, to respond in a way that honors Him and points my children toward him. They can see the fruit of the Spirit in me and through me rather that just hearing empty words and hypocrisy from me. It’s transparency - being open and honest, willing to admit when I mess up and asking for forgiveness, creating an environment where they feel safe to ask questions and express their feelings. We are learning to discipline them in love rather than just punishing them for their disobedience.

Life is a marathon not a sprint. Learning to parent children seems to be no different. It is taking a level of consistency that is really challenging and sometimes uncomfortable. It is a huge sacrifice some days and a great demonstration of self-control (and the recognition of when I lose control). It takes a lot of thought and surrender to allow God to lead me so I can be the mom my children need. It takes daily prayers to pursue the plans God has for our family. Prayers that we will live boldly for God’s glory rather than prayers for safety and comfort in this fallen world.

On the toughest days, the voice of doubt creeps in to say it’s all for nothing. Fatigue and frustration take over and distract my from trusting God and persevering in the strength and power of the name of Jesus. So often right after the most difficult moments God has  given me rays of hope that demonstrate his faithfulness and proof that he has equipped me with the ability to parent these 3 - soon to be 4 - precious children. In light of that I must brag on each of my kiddos and how God is at work in them. 

Lydia loves to say her own prayer during our family prayer time each night. In the past week her prayers have gone from “Love me Jesus, Amen” to saying thank you Jesus and listing out all our names. She kneels by the bed and folds her hands to mimic mommy and daddy. Oh, did I mention she turned 2 just 3 months ago.

Jeremiah and Maiesha each made me a Mother’s Day card this weekend. No one prompted them to do it. They just spent some time in their rooms by their own effort to create a expression of their feelings. Talk about confirmation from God that what we have been praying and talking about is sinking in and making a difference.

Maiesha colored a card orange with purple hearts and inside she wrote: “I love you mom becues...you love me and that you care about me to. I hope that you love my crde that I made. Thank you for loveing me. You are a good mom. Thank you for giting Bri here when I didnt see her alot.”

Jeremiah presented a plain white card with pencil-drawn hearts and inside he wrote: “Thank you for being my mom. I love you so much because you are my mom and you love me. Have a great mothers day. I will give you all my heart.” He also drew a picture of the two of us holding hands. Even better, tonight he called me back into his room after we had turned out the lights to apologize for saying something disrespectful earlier today and to say Happy Mother’s Day once more.

Wow! God is so good and so faithful. All the glory belongs to him.