What if...

What if...

...I allowed God to lead me in all my decisions? What would each day look like? How would I feel physically, emotionally, spiritually? Would that change the way my children behave? How would my husband respond to a wife that is living in the center of God's will?

I am starting to figure that out and hope to share stories that evidence God's lead in my life.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I'm Not Home Yet

As of 3:05 this afternoon summer will officially begin at our house. We will pick Jeremiah up from his last day of first grade. The year has been a great one and I am looking forward to all the fun things we will get into this summer. We kick off our summer break tomorrow with a trip to South Carolina for a week. Jeremiah and Maiesha are very excited to be flying on an airplane for the first time and they have been counting the days for a couple weeks. Since leaving SC in August 2007 we have made an annual trip back to visit Tyrone's mom and all of our "family" in Columbia. We didn't get to go last year because it wasn't financially possible due to our move to Fayetteville. That makes this year's trip so much more special. I tend to get emotional about the simpliest of things, but this is a big deal. It is truely a homecoming feeling to be going back to my "adulthood home". It is where I learned how to live on my own. Where I found my husband. Where we were married. Where we bought our first house. Where our first two children were born. It is where we plan to retire someday.

I arrived in Columbia, SC in August 1996 a wide-eyed, naive 18 year old kid. I left 11 years later as a wife, mom, and grown-up. Now as we prepare to go home again, 1996 seems like a lifetime ago. I know I could not see the plans God had for me. I wasn't really even looking for them back then. I was just running in a new direction away from things I didn't like and toward something different and exciting. Now I realize I was running for self worth and significance. I was searching for value and meaning and where I fit in. It has taken a few years - a lot of trial and error - but I have found my significance.

It's like losing your phone inside your purse. You know it is in there. You can even hear it ringing, but you can't seem to put your hands on it. From the moment I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, I became acceptable to God.

"He does not just tolerate me. I am 100% acceptable to the perfect, holy, and righteous God Almighty. I am accepted by God for one reason: Christ has abolished the barrier and made peace with God through His blood on the cross. I have the righteousness of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:21). I can't ever be any more acceptable to God that I am right now (Romans 5:8-10, Ephesians 2:14-18, Colossians 1:21-22)" (The Search for Significance p224) 

All of the experiences I have had throughout my almost 34 years help me understand it and remind me of it as I often try to do things my way instead of His. "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) Not a knowing like I know I drive a red minivan, but a knowing that is deep and intimate and that I have complete faith and trust in.

In Jeremiah 29:10-14 God speaks to the Israelites who have been exiled from Jerusalem.

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.   I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I think this a picture of me and all Believers. We have to be exiled from home and the things God has promised us until we have learned how to seek Him with our whole heart. He has been teaching me how to do this through life's ebb and flow. Finally I am really starting to catch on. I was talking with one of my former athletes last night on the phone. She is facing a big decision - one that only she can make. I shared how in the last couple of years, more times than not, my first response to decisions and situations is to pray over it. Not just once or twice, but diligently seeking God's instruction. Then the answers just seems to come and be right and there is no doubt or question. Things just seem to "fall into place" and there is complete peace. SO much of my anxiety comes from trying to figure things out on my own or in making choices that I think will please others.

I don't know if South Carolina is my Jerusalem, but my heart leaps for joy as I think about returning there just for a visit. Ultimately all of God's plan points to heaven and His glory, so wherever I am I want to serve him and allow him to lead so I can experience all the plans he has for me this side of heaven. And then I can look forward to the day when I am home for all eternity with my Jesus.

"Where I Belong" by Building 429 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOtsB4O1p3o

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Love is...

Our weekends seem to be overflowing with events, date nights and fun times the last couple months. I don't know if it is the time of year or what, but we didn't have this much going on during the winter months. I am cautiously optimistic that we can turn the alarm off this Saturday and sleep 'til we decide to get up. Don't misunderstand though, I have really enjoyed the things we have been doing because we are doing it together as a family.

On Mother's Day I had the rare priviledge of taking a 2 hour nap. I did have to prepare lunch, but only because we had eaten out Friday nght and again Saturday to celebrate after Maiesha's dance recital. After my nap Tyrone and I dropped the kids off at the Ganio's home and drove up to Rogers to attend the Lecrae (Christian rap artist) concert. As we searched for a parking spot, we noticed there were not many minivans and the people walking inside were a few years younger than us. As best we can figure out, Lecrae is fairly close to our age, but the vast majority of the audience was staying up late on a school night for this concert. We did see a few parents escorting their elementary age kiddos and we commented several times that Jeremiah would have had a good time. We had a great time! We really enjoyed the atmosphere, the music, and the message Lecrae delivered through his testimony and his music.

This is the second concert Tyrone and I have gone to together. The first was Brian McKnight when we were first married. I had been to a handful of other concerts before we were married, but it was never something that Tyrone did. I really enjoyed watching his response. He is a fan of rap music, but has remained a little sceptical about the "quality" of Christian rap. I think Lecrae changed his mind! We were sad that we had to leave early to get home to the kids. For an hour and a half we were young again. It really took me back to the early years of our relationship.

Tyrone and I meet in March 1997. A month later we were officially dating and he called me "his gal".(That was a Charleston, SC term.) We dated for 3 plus years then broke up at the beginning of my 5th year of undergrad and his first year of grad school. We traveled to Arizona that Christmas/New Year's where we got engaged - while still broken up. Crazy, I know. We were married August 18, 2001 at the Mitchell House in Lexington, SC.

That day was ridiculously hot like most days are in August in South Carolina. It rained all morning and afternoon, but the rain stopped before the wedding leaving things pretty steamy for an outside wedding. I didn't really notice as I walked down the isle on my dad's arm. I was supposed to be walking to "In the Morning Light" by Yanni, but the coordinator lady misunderstood so we just played Pachabels again. After we exchanged our vows, I surprised Tyrone with a song I had prerecorded with the help of our pastor. I didn't think I could sing well and without crying at the wedding. I don't have my version on anything but a cassette tape, but here is the original.

"If You Could See What I See" by Geoff Moore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBmRmEKTbN4

As Tyrone wrapped his arm around my at the concert Sunday night and we hung out together at a RAP concert like a couple of kids, I couldn't help but fall a little more in love with him. I am so incredibly thankful for the journey God has taken us on. Sometimes we have been hanging on by a thread, but He is holding us together and teaching us how to love each other before ourselves and glorify Him with our time, talents and treasures more each day. And as Lecrae put it at the concert, we are not living for more of the things this world has to offer, but we are living for the Glory of God.

One of the scripture passages Pastor Jaye read in our wedding ceremony was 1 Corinthians 13:4-13. An old familiar one, but so important nonetheless. We were challenged to read it as though for the first time and allow the meaning of the words to sink deep into our souls. After all, it is the Word of God.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

 I want to experience that

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

My Cup is Running Over

It has been a very busy, but awesome week so far. On top of that I am recooperating from oral surgery that I had last Friday. Tyrone is wrapping up his first academic year at UA. His college had a family picnic that same night to celebrate the end of the year. More opportunities present themselves as to how we can meet the needs of our Leverett Elementary community. Yesterday was my monthly Lunch at Lynette's and our house was full of 14 moms and 21 kiddos have a wonderful time of food, fellowship and fun. Tyrone and I had a date swap last night. The Anderson family hung out with our kids while we went on a date and we will do the same for them Saturday so they can have a date.

I am overflowing with blessings and joy. On top of all of that, Monday I was offered and accepted the position of Children's Ministry Director at our church. I have been excited about jobs in the past, but this one is very different. Like most of all the jobs I have had, I didn't go looking for it. I was not "job hunting". It came to me. I have had quite a few part-time jobs that I really enjoyed. I know God directed me and worked through me in those jobs, but again, this one is different.

At the point we knew God was moving us to Fayetteville, I knew he wanted me to be home full time to help the kids transition and give Tyrone the time he needed to settle into his new job. He also wanted my undivided attention to work on a few of my hang-ups. This year has been very challenging, but also very rewarding and full of awesome stories of God's faithfulness. I have cried tears of sorrow and of joy. I have wrestled with God about tough decisions. I have fought against my flesh. I have done a ton of things with family and new friends that would never have come to mind or come to be had I not devoted this year to being "just wife and mom".

We have been volunteering once a month in the Greenhouse - the chidren's program - at our church. Tyrone and I teach in the preschool classroom and have lots of fun doing that. We learned in the winter months that the director was stepping down. I had no thoughts at that time about the job. I have done the job before and didn't think I would ever step back into that kind of role. As we have continued to learn about serving and plugging in where God has planted us, the thought crossed my mind that a new director had not been hired and perhaps this was an area where I should be serving. I learned through our new member classes last fall that I have the spiritual gifts of administration and hospitality. I also knew from my coaching and teaching experience I have the skill set to do the job. I asked Tyrone if it was ok for me to inquire about the position. Long story short, I asked, went through the interview process, and will begin my new part-time job around the first of August.  Exactly one year after our move to Fayetteville.

This job is different because I believe it has come as a result of obedience and therefore God's blessing. He has been training me, molded me, sanding the rough edges for this perfect time that I would  hear his voice and move into a job that he has equipped me to do. This first year in Fayetteville has taught me so many things and brought me into a deeper relationship with my Savior. I have learned how to listen and pray. I have learned how to invest more in my family and others. I have learned how to pray and better support my husband. I have learned "to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ" (Ephesians 3:18NIV).


In Philippians 1:6 Paul says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." I am walking into this new job with the utmost confidence and assurance - not in my own abilities, but in knowing this is part of the master plan God has for me and ,without a doubt, he will complete the work he has started. I

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

My Joy

So I was sitting in the van Monday afternoon in the "car rider" line at Jeremiah's school. We always arrive a little early on Mondays and play on the playground. It had rained quite a bit so it was too wet to play. It was nice to just sit a relax for 20 minutes. The girls played in the back and I was making some notes for a blog entry as I reflected back over the past week. It was all about the peace and contentment I feel right now. I wrote, "I am living like I am in love. It is amazing. I am floating." A few songs had played that afternoon that created a time of worship while I taxied the kids around town.

"Waves of Mercy" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dgf1YzscBlE

"Hope Now" by Addison Roads http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwdXqDYfBYQ

"You are Everything" by Matthew West

"At Your Name (Yahweh Yahweh)" by Phil Wickham

I made a list of all the wonderful things that were on my heart.

- We had a great 7th birthday party for Jeremiah Saturday. We had lots of friends over and made homemade cake and ice cream to share with everyone. At the last minute we ran into Caroline and Eli (friends in the kids' class at church) and they were able to come too. It provided a break for the young couple that was taking care of them for the week while their mom was away.

- Lydia started saying bubble over and over.

- It was pay day and I paid all the monthly bills and we had a refrigerator/freezer full of groceries.

- We provided the date (dinner and movie) for the parents of our adopted family Sunday afternoon. We were finished in time for me to go to my basketball game where I made the winning shot for my team.

- I had a little time to relax Monday morning after such a busy weekend and week before.

- I acknowledge the crazy hasn't gone away. There hasn't been some huge change in our situation. There is just an overwhelming peace from God that he has a hold of me so I can let go completely.

Jeremiah climbed into the van a few minutes after 3:00 right after I finished this list. His response to my "Hi Buddy, how was your day?" was "I got a pink note and I didn't do anything wrong." Pink notes are not good! They are a message from the teacher explaining some inappropriate behavior. We have to discuss what happened, sign and return the note the next day. In this case Jeremiah had talked too much and too loudly during reading centers and failed to complete his work. He decided to deceive his teacher by throwing his work in the trash to make it appear as though he had finished it. Not sure why he told me he didn't do anything wrong, but I think we all trick ourselves into believing that sometimes.

Was this a test? I was just rejoicing about the peace of God resting on me. I was floating on cloud nine because of his goodness and mercy. Do I still have that peace in the midst of this parenting storm?

I was angry I admit. We had some heated discussion about his bad choices. God hates lying and we want to obey God, I reminded him. And we talked about the importance of telling the truth and being honest at all times. Jeremiah had to complete his assignment at home and I made him write a note to his teacher apologizing for his behavior. Tyrone had him out in the yard running and carrying rocks for 30 minutes before dinner. We wanted him to understand the seriousness of lying. Then it was finished. We moved on and enjoyed the rest of our evening before bedtime. No hard feelings all is forgiven.

I am reading the book "The Search for Significance" and chapter 4 was about justification. The final word in the study guide for that chapter was...

"Justification is the great doctrine that is the bedrock of our self-worth: "Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (Romans 5:1). To be justified means to be placed in right standing before God. But what exactly does this mean? Justification is the judicial act of God by which He declares us free from the guilt of sin. All the sin we will ever commit has already been forgiven. To be justified means that the blight of our sin has been removed and that we have been completely cleansed by the blood of Christ. God sees us this way at this very moment! However, as marvelous as that is, justification means more than being forgiven. God not only forgives our sinfulness, but He also provides our righteousness. Righteousness is the worthiness to stand in God's presence with out fear of personal condemnation because He has imputed the very righteouseness of Christ to us."

Thank you God! It doesn't mean everything will be perfect or we won't mess up, but when we do YOU have already covered it and you see Jesus' righteousness in me. That truth is enough to keep me rejoicing in the good times and bad.

Philippians 4:4-9 says "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."