Take a Moment

This week has been a good one. It has not been without it challenges though. I realized that I was so anxious to get the new school year started that I overlooked the transition that we must go through to get everyone settled into the new routine. Now that my expectations are more realistic I have been able to relax a little and be a better mom. Before I came to my senses, I snapped a couple times about some behavior issues Jeremiah is having and was a little insensitive toward Maiesha.

While I was doing my Insanity workout Tuesday morning, the Holy Spirit brought to mind that I had plenty of time to surprise Jeremiah and Maiesha for lunch at school. They were so excited to see Lydia and I waiting for them in the hallway. It was such a special moment to remind them that I want to and enjoy spending time with them. It was great to sit with them and ask about their day. They really liked “showing off” their baby sister too as we walked each of them back to class.

God has been working this week to show me simple ways I can make a huge difference in my children’s lives. They just need my love and attention. It doesn’t take a big production. I do need to be intentional, but it is really simple. A few minutes snuggling on the couch. Sitting together to watch a TV show or movie they really like. Staying after school to play on the playground. A few minutes pushing Lydia on the swing at church when I am working. Those moments make the biggest difference.

These moments make a difference in our marriage too. Tyrone and I have to be very intentional now as we reconnect and rebuild our relationship. It comes down to thinking of my spouse before myself. It’s not conditional though. I can’t do these things with an expectations that they will be returned. I do them in an act of obedience to God and an expression of my love for my husband. I know I have fallen short of being the wife God wants me to be. Now I must invest my time and energy to make my marriage a priority. Our first dance song from our wedding was “Endless Love” by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross. Last night, after watching one of our favorite shows together, I pulled up “our song” on YouTube and we danced to it in our living room. We need to dance more. Everyday perhaps. A few minutes to hold each other, looking into each other’s eyes, and remembering the day we committed our lives to each other.

"Endless Love"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xmd658QnX5Y

"I Do" again

I remember it like it was yesterday! My dress hangs in our closet. I refuse to package it up properly so that I can put it one every so often. Our pictures sit on end tables. I can still taste the cake Tyrone fed me - which was the only thing either one of us had to eat that night until we got home. It was a hot stormy day in August. It rained most of the day, but stopped in time for our covered-outdoor cerimony. Pastor Jaye worked the rain into his message and talked about the symbol of a rainbow. My theme was simple but elegant and we pulled it off. We had great food and a beautiful cake. Simple flower and twinkly white lights. Our family and good friends were there to celebrate with us. We danced. We sang to each other. Tyrone even pulled the garder off my leg with his teeth. We spent the 24 hours after the wedding referring to each other as "wife" and "husband" over and over marveling at our new titles.

We just celebrated our 11th anniverary last weekend, but we didn't do a lot of celebrating. We had a great overnight get away and 19 whole hours of peace and quiet ALONE. We hadn't done that in about 4 years. Our focus right now is more about reconnecting and working to heal old wounds. There are things from before we got married that we never dealt with that reside in our home today. We unknowingly packed them up and brought them with us every time we moved. In Evansville they stayed in their box for a long time. It was as though they were gone, but after some time, like any unresolved issue, we unpacked that box, but rather than put those things in their place, they were shelved in a dark corner for another time. They made their way to Arkansas, but it seems like that was one of the first boxes we unpacked this  time. The contents of the box was scattered on the floor, but we never picked it up. We just keep stepping over it thinking it doesn't bother us that it is there. The TRUTH is these things have no place here! We are finally dealing with them properly and it is tough. This is just one more reason God moved us to Arkansas.

On that hot day in August 11 years ago, we were two kids who thought that love would conquer all. The issues didn't matter. All that mattered was we loved each other and we wanted to be together. Silly kids...we were partially correct. Love does conquer all, but it's not our imperfect love. It's God's love that shows us how to love another. It's God's love that teaches us how to love ourselves and accept love from others. It's God's love that is perfect and pure and can be counted on NO MATTER WHAT. I have been on a journey of discovering that in the past 6 months. It has prepared the way for me to see how conditional my love has been for my husband. I am beginning to understand how "comfortable" I have become - taking for granted the need for intimacy and quality time with my husband. We have slipped into the zone of "doing life together" rather than "loving life together".

I am so uncomfortable as we work through this season, but I am also thankful that we are, in fact, working through things together and refocusing our attention toward each other. I hate unresolved issues. Ironic then that it has taken so long to get here. We have some great friends around us who pray for us and support us. We are searching God's Word. We are learning through a book study. I am praying harder than ever. Tyrone is learning how to pray again. We are sleep deprived from long, late night talks. It's a new kind of courtship. We have to put each other first and find a little of that starry-eyed, love sick quality that newlyweds have.

Yesterday we decided to get married again. We will renew our wedding vows next August after spending this year "preparing" to get married. We want to spend focused intentional time rebuilding a strong, passionate relationship. The kind we both envisioned years ago, but didn't grasp the effort and commitment that it would take. I want to fall in love all over again with the experience of 11 years to our credit. I get excited thinking about a cerimony and a fancy dress and having all our friends gather together (and eating cake of course). If that's all I get out of this year, I will have missed the mark again however. This year leading up to our second wedding is an opportunity to lay the ground work for the rest of our lives. It is an opportunity for a fresh new beginning. We can commit to leaving the past behind us and pressing on toward the future God has for our marriage and our family. It's an opportunity to share what God is doing in our lives and hope that we can help just one other couple along their journey.

As Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT) says...
"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."

Not in our house!

Why is it so easy to focus on the bad? Why do we allow ourselves to believe lies? Why do we get sucked into despair and believe that we are anything less than the craftsmanship of the Almighty Creator? I can't believe that anyone wants to feel that way so why does it happen?

So why...why....why?

Romans 7:17-25 (MSG) says it like this.
"But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
 It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.  I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?  The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

Last night God lead us through an exercise based on Philippians 4:8. I asked Tyrone to make a list of 10 things that are good in his life. He did. We talked about each thing on the list - what was good about each one of them. We read Philippians 4:8. "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

The Bible does a great job of showing us the difficulty Jesus went through leading up to his arrest. He asked God to take away the burden of the cross, but surrendered to God's will and not his own. He was perfect after all - He is God! He prayed for himself, for him disciples, for all believers that will ever live. What an incredible example of how to handle our challenging times. After all, the power of the living God lives in each of us once we accept Jesus as our Savior.

I am not only thinking of our situation as I write this. I am thinking of Amy and Jeff who have 2 mortgages. I am thinking of Kristen who just lost a baby. I am thinking of Andrew who stays committed to a wife who battles extreme depression. I am thinking of Rebecca who went through a divorce. I am thinking of Jessica who is recovering from a childhood of abuse. I am thinking of countless others who are in the midst of a battle- some big some small, but all significant to the people walking through it.

So we have a choice. A choice to focus on the good, the blessing, the cross. A choice to focus on our sin, our dispair, the lies satan wants to convince us are true.

Well not in our house! I claim the power of the name of Jesus Chirst and what he accomplished on the cross. He defeated death so we can LIVE FOREVER with him. He has the power, and therefore we do too, to defeat the darkness and step into HIS LIGHT.


"Make the Most of Me" by Marie Miller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6amferhwFJ0&feature=related

Fastest Highest Strongest

Wow! Can I get a minute to stop and just breathe? The last two weeks have been wild as I begin this new adventure. In the middle of a busy Sunday morning, I was able to be still long enough to hear from God - which is incredibly hard to do when you are "on staff" with a church. Sunday is now a work day and a worship day. That is going to be a big shift and take a little while to get used to. I am beginning to grab hold of the magnitude of this awesome responsibility. I am used to praying for the leadership of my church, but now as I pray those prayers I realize that includes me and my family. So what that also means is that satan is on the war path. He wants to destroy what God has clearly put together. So certainly I need your prayers against the enemy, for unity in our family, and for the glory of God to shine on.

After only 1 year of being completely out of the workforce, I find it difficult to adjust to the "balance" of home and a part time job. How did I do 2 or 3 part time jobs at the same time before? I was crazy! Things will get easier in a couple weeks when Jeremiah and Maiesha start school. I also have an amazing friend who is going to help me one day each week with Lydia. That will give both of us a break from each other as we adjust to life with just the two of us.

We have been very focused on the Olympic Games since the opening ceremonies. I really enjoy watching the competitions and the personal stories of triumph. Jeremiah wants to be Michael Phelps and Maiesha has taken an interest in gymnastics and Gabby Douglas. It's amazing how quickly you "get attached" to the athletes and their stories.

The Olympic motto is “Fastest Highest Strongest”.

We can use this motto in our walk with Jesus who is the definition of fastest, highest and strongest. “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength (Strongest). They will soar on wings like eagles (Highest); they will run (Fastest) and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)

Tyrone and I are walking through some challenges together right now. It is very hard, but it is also a huge answer to prayers. I think God is birthing a new vision for our marriage and our family. At the very least, he is helping us rediscover what we had lost sight of. The first year in Fayetteville has caused the baggage to break open and allow us an opportunity to process and become stronger. The best part is we are doing it TOGETHER which is incredible. We will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary on August 18 and I couldn't be happier to brag about all God has brought us through in those 11 years. He is clearly working out more of his plan right now by cleaning up more of our crap. As Tyrone and I talk and share, I can see once again how God has been preparing us for these moments.

Jeremiah and Maiesha are very excited to begin school on August 20. We have spent a good bit of time with reading, math, shapes, and colors this summer. Jeremiah is reading chapter books a little, doing more advanced math, and finally putting Legos together without our help. Maiesha is thrilled to be adding and subtracting, and she loves to "repeat after me" when we read a book together. They are both proficient swimmers after a couple weeks of swimming lessons and now we are counting the days 'til our school year routine is back in full swing. I can't wait to put away my referee hat.

Lydia is growing so fast. She was 18 months old July 31. She is running and jumping and climbing. She knows what she wants and how to get it (or how to get me to get it). We taught her to say the Gamecock chant...I say 'Game' your say 'Cocks'.  GAME...COCKS! It is too cute. She says new words everyday, but the best was a week ago when Tyrone asked her what her name was. She put her hand to her chest and said "ydia". She prefers to use a fork now instead of her hands and she really like to drink from a regular cup like the rest of us. There is also a wild, mischieveous streak emerging which I am not so thrilled about.

Tyrone had a great summer in the classroom and the lab. I know year two is going to be even better as he welcomes his first 2 PhD students and continues to mold a very bright undergrad who will begin the Master's program next semester. Year one proved much more challenging than he anticipated, but he is starting to settle into a rhythm now and he has wonderful support from colleagues and administration.

As we sang "Break Every Chain" this morning it became the prayer of my heart. God please continue to work out the details of our lives and give us the courage to "live by faith" (Habakkuk 2:4) and just trust YOU. I claim the power of the name of Jesus, and I believe it will overcome the darkness of this world. Give us strength and perserverance to pursue more of Jesus and less of this world.

"Break Every Chain" by Jesus Culture http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOyjD5Zw2ew