"I Do" again

I remember it like it was yesterday! My dress hangs in our closet. I refuse to package it up properly so that I can put it one every so often. Our pictures sit on end tables. I can still taste the cake Tyrone fed me - which was the only thing either one of us had to eat that night until we got home. It was a hot stormy day in August. It rained most of the day, but stopped in time for our covered-outdoor cerimony. Pastor Jaye worked the rain into his message and talked about the symbol of a rainbow. My theme was simple but elegant and we pulled it off. We had great food and a beautiful cake. Simple flower and twinkly white lights. Our family and good friends were there to celebrate with us. We danced. We sang to each other. Tyrone even pulled the garder off my leg with his teeth. We spent the 24 hours after the wedding referring to each other as "wife" and "husband" over and over marveling at our new titles.

We just celebrated our 11th anniverary last weekend, but we didn't do a lot of celebrating. We had a great overnight get away and 19 whole hours of peace and quiet ALONE. We hadn't done that in about 4 years. Our focus right now is more about reconnecting and working to heal old wounds. There are things from before we got married that we never dealt with that reside in our home today. We unknowingly packed them up and brought them with us every time we moved. In Evansville they stayed in their box for a long time. It was as though they were gone, but after some time, like any unresolved issue, we unpacked that box, but rather than put those things in their place, they were shelved in a dark corner for another time. They made their way to Arkansas, but it seems like that was one of the first boxes we unpacked this  time. The contents of the box was scattered on the floor, but we never picked it up. We just keep stepping over it thinking it doesn't bother us that it is there. The TRUTH is these things have no place here! We are finally dealing with them properly and it is tough. This is just one more reason God moved us to Arkansas.

On that hot day in August 11 years ago, we were two kids who thought that love would conquer all. The issues didn't matter. All that mattered was we loved each other and we wanted to be together. Silly kids...we were partially correct. Love does conquer all, but it's not our imperfect love. It's God's love that shows us how to love another. It's God's love that teaches us how to love ourselves and accept love from others. It's God's love that is perfect and pure and can be counted on NO MATTER WHAT. I have been on a journey of discovering that in the past 6 months. It has prepared the way for me to see how conditional my love has been for my husband. I am beginning to understand how "comfortable" I have become - taking for granted the need for intimacy and quality time with my husband. We have slipped into the zone of "doing life together" rather than "loving life together".

I am so uncomfortable as we work through this season, but I am also thankful that we are, in fact, working through things together and refocusing our attention toward each other. I hate unresolved issues. Ironic then that it has taken so long to get here. We have some great friends around us who pray for us and support us. We are searching God's Word. We are learning through a book study. I am praying harder than ever. Tyrone is learning how to pray again. We are sleep deprived from long, late night talks. It's a new kind of courtship. We have to put each other first and find a little of that starry-eyed, love sick quality that newlyweds have.

Yesterday we decided to get married again. We will renew our wedding vows next August after spending this year "preparing" to get married. We want to spend focused intentional time rebuilding a strong, passionate relationship. The kind we both envisioned years ago, but didn't grasp the effort and commitment that it would take. I want to fall in love all over again with the experience of 11 years to our credit. I get excited thinking about a cerimony and a fancy dress and having all our friends gather together (and eating cake of course). If that's all I get out of this year, I will have missed the mark again however. This year leading up to our second wedding is an opportunity to lay the ground work for the rest of our lives. It is an opportunity for a fresh new beginning. We can commit to leaving the past behind us and pressing on toward the future God has for our marriage and our family. It's an opportunity to share what God is doing in our lives and hope that we can help just one other couple along their journey.

As Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT) says...
"I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us."