Where do I begin? Right now it’s hard for me to remember
what time it is. Is it morning or afternoon? Is it dinner time or time for bed?
As time progresses, I know it will be tough to recall if it is a week day or
the weekend. It is hard to get motivated to get out of bed with no school, no
classes to attend, and no practices to get to in the evenings.
I realized a couple days ago that this coach needs a coach.
This person who makes a living out of motivating others to be their best, now
seeks motivation. As a coach, I always tell my athletes that we are preparing
them for life far beyond the game, far beyond the field of play. We’re
preparing them for life after their ball stopping bouncing. In a way, everyone’s
ball has stopped bouncing thanks to Covid-19. It was unexpected and we didn’t
have any time to prepare. We didn’t get a say in the matter, and we didn’t get
to think it over first. However, I already see so much beauty from the ashes of
our current predicament. Every day there is something to be thankful for –
something that seems found after being lost for so long. I am learning to coach
myself. We are learning to self-motivate to do the things that are important to
us. We are learning to love each other in the face of uncertainty and the
complete unknown.
Sunday all six of us sat in our living room to attend church
via Facebook Live. This was our first time ever. It’s not that we haven’t had
chances to do this before, but it was never necessary and it was fine to miss a
Sunday here or there. This time it felt like a desperate move toward connection
and reassurance that God is still in control. With tears streaming down my
face, I sang along with the last two worship songs. My heart was so full as our
family listened to a message, not out of religious obligation or because it's what we are supposed to do, but because it brought an hour of
normalcy and hope.
We have been given permission (or perhaps we have been
thrown out) to step out of the overwhelming current of life. We stand on the
banks of the river and reflect. It is the scariest thing to look at the current
continue to flow by us. But wait! The current has stopped too. In fact, the
river is receding. We have been given a gift to evaluate the load we have been
carrying for a lifetime. We have worked so hard to keep everything balanced on
our small raft as the current carried us. It was the current of social pressure
and the American dream. It was the current of living up to unrealistic expectations.
It was the current of unfair comparison. It was the current of “I’m not good
enough”.
Let’s seize this moment to start fresh. Let’s look at our
load and see what we can leave on the shore when we launch our boat back into
the river. What was I carrying that I no longer need? What treasure was I
carrying buried under the clutter that I can now hold tight to my chest? That
thing or person gives me courage and strength to press on. What or who is so
important that I am compelled to get back in the river to help change the
current?
A few nights ago I dreamed that we went back to the Isle of
Palms and rented the same beach house that we stayed in when we went to South
Carolina for Tyrone’s mom’s funeral a year ago. In my dream, it was so good to
be back there. The beach is our safe place and that house is forever a part of
our story given the purpose it served. I called friends and invited them to
join us at the beach house. It felt like home. I shared that dream with my
family and the friend who joined us in the dream. It symbolizes peace, a calm
in the storm. A place of refuge. It represents that relationships matter most
and God is faithful to comfort us when we need it the most. It makes me raise
my hands and shout AMEN.
“AMEN” by Micah Tyler https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R3CPMfW2wc
We WILL keep fighting FOR our family and our community every
day. We WILL keep getting out of bed when it seems like it doesn’t matter. We WILL
keep doing “crisis schooling” because education still brings freedom. We WILL
keep training and getting our shots up in the driveway because our physical
health is critical and our kids have big goals to play college basketball on
day. We WILL learn to do new things and remember to laugh at our failures
because they are simply opportunities for growth. We WILL say I’m sorry when we
mess up. We WILL extend grace and forgiveness in the worst circumstances
because that’s what Jesus has done for us.
I WILL keep coaching myself and anyone else God puts in my
path because that is who HE designed me to be.
God bless you! May HOPE rise in you today.
