We are closing in on D-day (delivery day). July 16 is 4 weeks and 5 days away. After my doctor's appointment two days ago I feel pretty confident Baby Chloe will make her debut sooner than that - praise the Lord. It is so surreal to think about it. A friend who was due 12 days before me just had her baby - 4 weeks early. He is doing great and is quite adorable. That got me thinking two things.
Oh, to not be pregnant anymore, how wonderful! God please don't make me "suffer" 4 more long weeks.
The second thing I thought was we are really going to have a baby in a few weeks. How is that possible? (I know biologically how this is possible.) This was not our plan. We were done having children! Now we will be out numbered 2 to 1. We were done with diapers. Now our life is going to change and I don't know how to manage it all? I don't know how the kids will adjust? Can I do the things I was planning to do?
We have been spending some time focusing our family on Philippians 4:8 "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." I have been praying it for Tyrone. Jeremiah has started reading it at bedtime with his other verses. Now I see that I need to know it too. If these are the the things I think about then all those crazy thoughts and questions don't fit in my head. There is no room for doubt, anger, resentment, fear, etc. I can recognize the lies satan uses to tear me down and keep me from trusting God and being an effective witness for His Kingdom. God has given us this baby to teach us and grow us - in faith and in number.
The last couple weeks I sit in bed each night and watch my baby bump move. I feel the kicks, punches, and twists of this little miracle growing inside me. Then I try to get comfortable in order to sleep and each position is temporarily and moderately comfortable at best. These nights of shifting and frequent trips to the bathroom help me get more excited to meet Chloe ( selfishly motivated, I admit, to be physically comfortable again).
Over the weekend the kids got to feel baby girl's hiccups on my belly and see her moving. I keep reminding them that she can hear their voices so it is good to talk to her so she recognizes them when she is born. All three kids went with me to my doctor's appointment Tuesday. They were so excited to hear her heartbeat. After the doctor informed me I was already 1-2 cm dilated and 70-80% effaced I explained to them that Chloe could come earlier than we were expecting. I had a little anxiety when I heard this news. (More thoughts that don't fit in my head if I am focused on whatever is true, noble, right...) Given this new information, we all took the elevator up to the labor and delivery floor to explore a little after my appointment. We got to see a few babies in the nursery and I explained that Chloe would be sleeping in one of those little beds soon enough. I think they would have stood at that window for an hour if I had let them.
All of these events are helping me become more and more excited to meet Chloe. More and more thrilled to embrace this plan that was not my idea. I want to see if she looks like her brother and sisters. I want to hold her and hear her sweet newborn cry. I can't wait to watch her daddy snuggle her and talk to her in the delivery room. I am thankful God's ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. I am thankful that he chose us to be the parents of a fourth child. I know he has a great plan and purpose for her life and for our family of 6.
