I can't imagine...

We celebrated Lydia's 2nd birthday last Thursday. It has been so fun to watch her and "the big kids" tell people all over town that she is 2 now. She can even say "It is my birthday". It is becoming more clear that she is going to be left handed which her left-handed mommy loves. She can only hold up her two fingers on her left hand. Lydia took her first trip to the dentist on her birthday and visited the pediatrician the next day. She is off the chart for her height and did not have to get any shots this time.

Yesterday we went to get some pictures taken to mark this milestone. It was lots of fun to watch her warm up to the photographer and start to own the camera. We stopped to buy her first package of big girl panties afterward and she was proud as punch to show them off at home to the rest of the family. She is so grown up and it all happened so fast.

I can't remember when I started thinking about being a stay-at-home mom. It was during college at some point. I do remember having conversations with Tyrone while we were dating and he didn't really see why I would want to do that. After all, I was pursuing a college degree and I was a pretty successful athlete by the end of college. (Now I don't think he could imagine me doing anything else.) After a few years in the work force it was becoming clear that I had the potential for management and ultimately running a company some day. I was coaching too and it was great. I was really coming into my own and developing a vision for my career, but in the back of my mind was still the desire to be at home full time with our children.

I got my wish about 5 and a half years ago and all I have to say is be careful what you wish for. It was really hard to make such a transition. It is still really hard if I am being honest. I did find part time coaching and teaching jobs that gave me a wonderful break from home and allowed me to further develop my aspirations of taking over the world. I loved coaching and working with young student-athletes. I loved the pursuit of success and helping young people pursue it as well. There was definitely a glass ceiling to my pursuits since I was only willing to do it part time in an effort to keep my stay-at-home mom status. It was also really easy to get so focused on "making a difference" that things at home would really suffer and I was making a difference - for the worse - with my own children. They are the ones God has entrusted to Tyrone and I to make the most difference with.

It has been almost 2 years since I have coached and any aspirations of being CEO of any company are like a childhood dream. I was reminded last night just how much I have to die to myself and my own ambitions in order to put my family first. It is so difficult some days to remember that this life is not about me and what I want. It is about glorifying God and honoring him no matter what I think I have to give up in the process. God has gifted this family to me. He has clearly directed me to give up my personal trainer hat for my potty trainer hat. There is no reward in watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and wiping a runny nose, but there is eternal value in being obedient to God's call for my life. There is great satisfaction in serving these little ones every day and making a home for Tyrone to come home to in spite of the challenges that it presents. There will be plenty of time for anything else I may want to do once this season of life is complete. As he has done so many times, God will present the next right opportunity when he sees fit. That is enough! His plan is enough because it is perfect and exactly what is best for me.

I can't imagine not being here to have these moments with Lydia. I can't imagine not being home with the kids after school to hear first hand how the day was. God is changing my perspective to see that I get to be a coach every day right here in my own home. He is teaching me how to be the kind of coach my "athletes" need not the kind of coach I thought I wanted to be. The coach I need to be is SO MUCH BETTER than the coach I wanted to be because it is drawing me closer to my Savior. It is helping me be more like Christ as Paul talks about in Philippians 2:3-13.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature God,

    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;

7 rather, he made himself nothing

    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.

8 And being found in appearance as a man,

    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

    and gave him the name that is above every name,

10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,

    to the glory of God the Father.

12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

"Enough" by Christ Tomlin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHEm-b4IRYk