What We Need

Yesterday was a big day for our family. All five of us went to my ultrasound appointment to see if we are having a boy or a girl. We are 20 weeks along so they would also be looking for all the anatomy - internal and external. They kids were so excited. They loved seeing the spine and little waving hands. We saw a cute profile and a skinny little booty. All of this was just the opening act for what they really wanted to see however. Jeremiah and Maiesha were looking for some little boy parts. Unfortunately for them we did not discover any boy parts. We discovered the opposite in fact. We discovered that we are having a girl. 

Jeremiah was devastated. He so desperately wanted a little brother. He was sobbing and then Maiesha started to cry too. She thought a boy would be good since we have enough girls in our family already. I think she was being considerate of her brother’s hope for a boy too. When I was finally able to sit with Jeremiah, he immediately began to question our decision to have another baby. I tried to explain that this was not our plan, an "accident" in fact, but he didn’t understand that very well and my explanation was lacking. He kept saying we should have gone to the orphanage so we could have guaranteed a brother for him.

We went on to have lunch at Chick-fil-a to celebrate the news. At this point it was more of a means to console them and get their mind off the subject. As they ate I started to share the news with family and friends. This fueled Jeremiah’s emerging anger. It was my fault that we were not having a boy. Somehow I had secretly wanted a girl and just never told him. His attitude was in the tank and he wanted to lash out at anyone to help himself feel better about this tragic news.

We went to Walmart to grab a couple things including pink cupcakes. He wanted blue or red. We did finally settle on a package with pink and green. We looked a little girl baby clothes and took pictures to post on Facebook to share the news. We found an outfit with blue and green flowers and talked about this sister liking those colors instead of pink. After grabbing a gallon of milk, we just stood in the isle and I hugged him while he cried. He was worried that he wouldn't like this baby. The only girls he could like were Maiesha and Lydia. In the check out line he even said I should have prayed and asked God for a boy. When I told him I did actually pray for that, he came back with "Well you didn't pray hard enough then." 

As I watched Jeremiah go through this experience yesterday, I could not help but see how we all behave this way when we don't get what we want. We question God's commitment to us. We hurt others to pass along our pain. We think about what we or someone else could have done differently to get the "right" outcome. We grieve as though we have lost something (even though it was never ours to begin with).

My challenge is to learn how to trust God when I encounter these situations in my own life for my own sake and even more difficult, to teach my children to trust Him when they don't get all they want. God lets me throw my tantrum. He holds me while I cry it out. He welcomes me to talk to him and express my anger. His shoulders are big enough to handle whatever I put on him. Then he disciplines me, refines me, comforts me and guides me to remember that he will ALWAYS give me exactly what I need even if it is not what I wanted (and what I thought I NEEDED).

The question is do I believe God. Not do I believe in God, but do I BELIEVE HIM. 

Philippians 4:19 (NIV) says, "My God will meet all your needs. He will meet them in keeping with his wonderful riches that come to you because you belong to Christ Jesus."

If I really believe that his Word is truth, then I should live in response to that truth and allow it to transform my perspective in every situation. If he is perfect, and always works toward what is best, then I can rest in the power and strength I have through Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV) says, "But he said to me, “My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.”

So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ’s power can rest on me."

I did a pretty good job of being patient with Jeremiah and comforting him as he grieved his "loss". I did have to discipline him at times, but I tried my best to do it with the understanding of why he was acting that way. By dinner time, he was smiling more and joking with his Dad about how good he is at making girls. He was still asking for another try (i.e. we have another baby after this one) or a trip to the orphanage, but he was clearly already starting to recover. We will devote some extra time to give him and Dad their "guy time" and making him feeling special, but I have confidence that God has given him another sister, given our family another girl, because that is exactly what we need.