After a major blow up tonight, I had a break through in parenting. I have been frustrated with Jeremiah because he has been lying and being deceptive. It started as little "just joking" moments, embellishing stories, and the usual trying to get Maiesha in trouble. We have tried a few disciplinary things and the repeated "Lying is wrong", but nothing seems to be sinking in.
I made a nice basic dinner tonight. We had baked pork chops with a raspberry chipotle sauce, sweet potatoes, asparagus and rolls. I am the only one who actually likes asparagus. Tyrone tolerates it since I don't make it very often and the kids had to "choke down" a small portion. They discovered that dipping it in ketchup made it go down easier. (Everything tastes better with ketchup.) I was doing dishes when Maiesha called out, "Mom, look at my plate." She was finished with all but one bite of sweet potatoes. The Jeremiah said, "Mom, look at my plate." His asparagus was gone and he had a couple bites of pork and potatoes left. I applauded their efforts and asked them to finish up.
As I was finishing the dishes, Jeremiah offered to help clean stuff up off the floor. This was a little strange to me, but I thought he was referring to the crackers and cereal that Lydia had dropped, and I have asked them to help with that before so I kept doing dishes. I soon discovered that about half of his asparagus was on the floor under his chair. He had "accidentally" dropped it. He had to clean up the asparagus and eat the whole pieces, go brush his teeth, and get straight in bed. I was livid, and the tone and volume of my voice made him well aware of my displeasure. While he cleaned I explained yet again how he had lied and that that is wrong and that he tried to cover up his lie by offering to help clean it up before I could see it. This whole episode further frustrated me as to how I can help him understand that lying is wrong.
After he crawled into bed, something clicked in my head (the Holy Spirit perhaps) and I grabbed my Bible from my night stand and went in to talk with Jeremiah. We talked about the 10 commandments. We read through them together and tried to explain in first grade terms what each one meant. I explained that these are rules that God wants us to follow. When we break the rules we need to ask for forgiveness. Several commandments easily related to different kinds of lies and he seemed to understand. Then all of a sudden it clicked and his eyes welled up with tears. He knew he didn't want to disobey God. Reading it for himself in the Bible was a big deal. I told him he needed to pray and ask God for forgiveness. He asked me why we had never done this before. Ouch! All I could say was we are starting now and we will keep doing it. God was teaching me a few things through this conversation too.
Jeremiah was afraid to pray and he began to cry more. Before we began to pray he said, "But God always forgives us." As tears welled up in my eyes, I told him that is right, but God still wants us to pray and ask for forgiveness. I reminded him God loves him very much and I love him too. We finished with a big, long hug and a few more tears and I love yous.
What a moment to share with my son. I felt like I got it right. To have a dilemma and find the answer in God's Word. How basic and profound is that. What better place to find the right direction. Now we can talk more about God's commandments as we continue to work through the importance of being honest. Jeremiah's eyes got so big when I told him God cannot tell a lie. It is impossible because God is perfect. Then I reminded him of the first Bible verse he ever memorized. John 17:17 "Your Word is truth." What a relief!
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