I am not a very patient person of my own abilities. God has been working on me in that area for quite a few years now. I have come a long way, but he is not finished with me yet. Thank goodness!
I go through seasons of waiting in my life where I believe God is teaching me to wait for him and his perfect timing. One of the most valuable things I have learned through these seasons is that I must continue to obey, serve, and worship Him while I wait. I confess it is easier to pout, sit idle, and complain, but that is useless and a huge waste of time. The song "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller reminded me of that this morning. Check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFwZ7Ekg080
One of the most difficult periods of waiting I have gone through started in 2009. That summer Tyrone had "finally" decided he was ok with the possibility of having a third child. I was thrilled. I made an appointment with our primary care physician for a physical and so I could be referred to an OB/GYN since I didn't have one in Evansville yet. After seeing our PCP I had to wait a full month for the appointment with the OB/GYN. This would delay my plans to get pregnant ASAP, but there was nothing I could do. In mid July I went in for the routine visit with the OB/GYN and to have my IUD (our method of baby prevention) removed so I could get pregnant. My pap smear test results came back unfavorably showing that I had precancerous cells on my cervix. I would have to have a LEEP (acronym for something) procedure done to remove these precancerous cells. I was scared about the possibility of cancer, and equally as concerned that, due to the LEEP procedure, I would not be able to carry a pregnancy to full term.
I quickly got pregnant in September 2009 about 1 month after having the LEEP. I was referred to another OB/GYN at that time because the one who did the LEEP was no longer delivering babies. (That was one of the blessings in this process.) At about 5 1/2 weeks I dreamed I miscarried the baby. Shortly after that I began bleeding and an ultrasound at 8 weeks confirmed that I did have a miscarriage. I was devastated. Both pregnancies with Jeremiah and Maiesha went flawlessly. Why me, why now. Clearly God had more for me to do and learn before becoming a mother of 3. He got my attention with the precancerous cells. I needed to keep up with the necessary preventative care so I could take care of the family he had already given me. For the spring semester 2010 he would continue to teach me about healthy eating and exercise habits while I set and reached a weight loss goal with my students at the University. This meant I was well within the normal healthy range for BMI and body fat % by the time I would get pregnant with Lydia. I had a terrible accident in February while opening a can of green beans that resulted in 6 stitches in my right index finger. I all but passed out that day and being pregnant would have really complicated the matter.
April came and went and we had just celebrated Jeremiah's 5th birthday when pregnancy struck again. At 5 weeks, miscarriage also struck again and God said it's not time yet. Throughout May some wonderful things happened. I continued to be cancer free with repeated follow up pap smears. I learned of an opportunity to take a part time job as the strength and conditioning coach for the UE women's basketball team. We also moved from our 910 square foot rental house to a 1280 square foot rental house right across the street. I was able to give it a fresh coat of paint before we moved in and it was the largest house we had ever lived in.
We began the month of June pretty certain I would be working with the women's basketball team, a dream come true job with great hours to keep up with being a wife/mom and my teaching load. Then pregnancy struck again, but this time it was here to stay. We traveled to South Carolina for our annual visit, but had to keep our secret from everyone except Tyrone's mom. We didn't want to get people's hopes up, or our own, until we got through the first ultrasound at 8 weeks. I spent the summer tired and sick, coaching, and hanging out with Jeremiah and Maiesha. We were preparing Jeremiah for kindergarten and Maiesha for another year of preschool. When the new semester began we broke the news to everyone that I was 16 weeks pregnant and due February 7, 2011. During that week, baby Washington became everyone's baby and she had the love and adoration of a whole college campus who anxiously awaited her arrival.
Everytime I look at Lydia I am reminded of God's timing and the undeniable fact that his ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). He is faithful! God taught me endless lessons through the year and a half of waiting for Lydia's arrival, but it was worth the wait. Now I better understand the waiting process as I work through it again and again in so many areas of my life.
I still grieve the two babies we lost, but I believe I will meet them in heaven one day and that makes me smile.
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