Chasing a Lion

     It has been nearly a year since I last wrote. It has been quite a year and my phrase for the year was “wait expectantly”. This year was full of great things and extremely difficult things. There have been lots of days that I just wanted to walk away from everything. I sense of value and purpose have been shaken. But tonight as I sang “O Holy Night” at our Christmas Eve serve I remembered this phrase and how God has showed up yet again in the midst of my unbelief. Let me rewind to the summer of 2016 to explain.

     I was reading the book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson. (Read 2 Samuel 23: 20-23 from the Bible for the story.) The premise of the book was living a life conquering fear and chasing God sized dreams in the hopes of minimizing the regret that comes from not doing things we were meant to do. My boss at the time told me, as I described my enthusiasm for what I was reading, everyone he has known who has read that book quits their job to pursue something new. Little did I know I would be no different than those he spoke of. A few months later I knew it was time for me to leave my role as the Director of Children’s Ministry at our church.

     I took a giant leap of faith and was accepted to the Master’s program at the University of Arkansas in Public Health. I knew there were things I needed to learn in order to defeat the lion I was chasing. We are not supposed to chase lions though. We should run from lions. They are ferocious and people don’t pick fights with lions, but that is exactly what I was about to do.

     I began graduate school in August 2017 excited and scared to death. It had been 16 years since I graduated with my bachelor’s degree. There were quite a few nights crying on my couch doubting that I had made the right decision. It was difficult to attend evening classes, study and read on top of a part time job, volunteer coaching, parenting four kids, and being a supportive wife (I’m sure I left out a few things.). I was so afraid of failing and even more afraid of following through on this commitment I made to myself. I was toe to toe with that lion.

     To say that the last 2 ½ years has been challenging would be a gross understatement. Now in hindsight I truly see how hard this experience has been for our entire family. There are lots of scars from the fight with that lion. BUT…after I turned in my final project, I cried. I could not believe I had completed what I thought was impossible. It was so surreal to think about all the doubt and fear I had to overcome.

     Last Saturday I graduated! I debated going to the graduation ceremony. I wanted the closure that a celebration can provide, but I was worried about getting the kids up early and allowing them to sit alone while Tyrone escorted me on stage to receive my diploma. The lion won a lot of rounds this year and I didn’t know if I could risk all the things that could go wrong, but I had the gut feeling that we needed to do this. My children needed to see me walk across that stage. Tyrone and I needed to take that walk together. We settled the kids into their seats before 8am with a great view of the stage fully equipped with electronic devises and candy. Then we got in the long lines of 2,000 graduates ready to close one chapter and move to the next.

     The chancellor of the University began his inspirational speech to us. He highlighted the financial advantages of holding a degree(s) but more importantly the priceless value of knowing how to press outside our comfort zones and learn new things and be challenged by different ideas. Then he began to talk about regrets. He spoke of the sin of commission – things we did that we should not have. This was contrasted with the sin of omission – things we chose not to do that we should. This was the greater evil of the two. He challenged us to chase big dreams and conquer fears in order to make our mark on the world. This was exactly what I read back in 2016. God was confirming that I chased the lion and won. Attending the commencement ceremony was exactly what our family needed to close this most difficult and important chapter of our life. Not only did Tyrone escort me across the stage, but he made arrangements to present my diploma to me. Then after we shook hands he looked into my eyes and said “give me a kiss”. The audience cheered and in that moment we were the only people in Bud Walton Arena. Our children witnessed the whole thing. They understood that it was my day and they were proud to celebrate me.

     Now there is another lion to chase. I am taking on the role of Executive Director of the iYES Foundation (www.iyesfoundation.org). I will continue to teach at the University of Arkansas. I will continue to coach basketball and life. I will be serving children and families here in Northwest Arkansas as well as in The Bahamas (more to come with all of this) through education and sports. I will be a better wife and mom given what I have learned about myself through this process. There is more passion and LIFE raging through my body than ever before. My energy level is high and I can see the vision for my life again.

     I waited expectantly, admitting that I was ready to give up so many days. That is proof that God is faithful! He is steady and strong when I can’t be. He never left me, but allowed me to do battle with the lion in order to grow. I will keep waiting expectantly no matter how hard that gets. The scars from every battle are beautiful reminders that with Him I really can do anything!